Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
