Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
