you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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