"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i love accidental penises.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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