Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The air was thick with penises
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
