in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
