why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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