You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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