do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
