i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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