Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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