im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
