I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
