Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
