I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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