How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
