just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
