you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
