And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
