the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
