We need to rekindle our bromance
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
