I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
