It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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