just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just invented taco cereal.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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