pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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