were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
