I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
