he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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