did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
