i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize