help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
