woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
