Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We need to rekindle our bromance
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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