just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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