Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
