it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
