i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
