What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
