u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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