new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
