my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
