those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
