OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
