all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
