dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
