He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
