They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize