Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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