He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And then he peed in my hair
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