I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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