her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
