Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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