she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
