I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
