Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
