I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
