Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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