so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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