So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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