Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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