just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
