i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
