He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
