He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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