he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i out mim tonsoeep
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